[ there's a quiet, tiny "what?" that sneaks in before he finished, right after he said those words, that her dad died, and that's- it does, it hits her like a ton of bricks. more than that. her chest feels tight and then everything kind of t i p s, like she's either about to pass out or stumble. only she's sitting down and she's holding onto Peter's hand with the same tight grip he's holding onto her, and she keeps listening because there has to be a silver lining, a reason why he told her it's "not super bad".
her eyes well up with tears but she doesn't let herself cry, not outright, and that's entirely because she trusts Peter so much. ]
That was the deal you made? To save my father?
[ oh, emotions. they were so- fickle and strange and her heart is still twisted up tight but there is relief there, if not just because for whatever reason, right now she does trust what the Admiral told her. about being able to change things, being able to fix something about their world that went wrong. ]
Oh my God, Peter. Oh my God. I mean. Yeah, I- I'm glad you told me, I am. I just-
[ because for a second her mind goes to Uncle Ben, and she feels this punch of guilt she wasn't expecting. guilt and gratitude and sadness and fear all rolled up into one big ball of "what the hell am I feeling right now?" ]
The last thing I told my father was to make sure you were okay. I never thought- [ she exhales, finally drops her gaze from his face because it's all too much at once, that's all. she has to cry because it's either that or some kind of panic attack, and she doesn't want that. ] Thank you. Peter, thank you. [ she's holding onto his hand with both of hers now, just so she can move his hand until she can kiss at his knuckles, sort of hide behind his fingers and nudge at his hand with her nose, all just in an attempt to not- freak out too much. ] Thank you for saving him. And I'm really glad he saved you. God. [ the idea of losing either of them, or both of them, is too much to wrap her head around. so she'll stop, and instead just focus on having Peter with her here right now. ]
no subject
her eyes well up with tears but she doesn't let herself cry, not outright, and that's entirely because she trusts Peter so much. ]
That was the deal you made? To save my father?
[ oh, emotions. they were so- fickle and strange and her heart is still twisted up tight but there is relief there, if not just because for whatever reason, right now she does trust what the Admiral told her. about being able to change things, being able to fix something about their world that went wrong. ]
Oh my God, Peter. Oh my God. I mean. Yeah, I- I'm glad you told me, I am. I just-
[ because for a second her mind goes to Uncle Ben, and she feels this punch of guilt she wasn't expecting. guilt and gratitude and sadness and fear all rolled up into one big ball of "what the hell am I feeling right now?" ]
The last thing I told my father was to make sure you were okay. I never thought- [ she exhales, finally drops her gaze from his face because it's all too much at once, that's all. she has to cry because it's either that or some kind of panic attack, and she doesn't want that. ] Thank you. Peter, thank you. [ she's holding onto his hand with both of hers now, just so she can move his hand until she can kiss at his knuckles, sort of hide behind his fingers and nudge at his hand with her nose, all just in an attempt to not- freak out too much. ] Thank you for saving him. And I'm really glad he saved you. God. [ the idea of losing either of them, or both of them, is too much to wrap her head around. so she'll stop, and instead just focus on having Peter with her here right now. ]