( V I D E O )
[ when the video feed clicks on, Gwen looks... normal. older, by some months. maybe a year. her hair is in loose curls and her bangs are swept to the side, no longer pin-straight like it was when she first arrived here. there's also something lacking in her expression that she would never admit to, and not just because she's trying so hard to appear perfectly normal. fine. I'm fine, thank you. her fingers are fidgeting with the glass charm on her necklace, something she was glad to find still here, left in her room. it wasn't from home, and that might be way she's kind of clinging to it. like it's an anchor. I'm here, this is real, I'm okay. ]

Hi, um.

Hi.

[ yes, good, solid start. ]

I'm not sure how long I was at home, but I hope everyone is well. It feels like it's been months since I was last here, but that can't be right, can it? [ for some reason she can just.. tell. somehow. things look too much like how she remembers it all. it all matches too well for that much time to have gone by. ] Mason, I have your file. I guess that means we're paired up permanently, yeah? Which is good. I'm glad for it.

Um.

[ why is this so hard? ]

Peter, I hope- I really, really hope you came back too, because- [ her eyes shut, she exhales ] I just really hope you're here. [ a h e m ] And everyone else I was starting to get to know, too. I would hate to hear someone left while I was away, since I didn't really get the chance to say goodbye before I went back home. [ hooookay let's not think about that ] Come say hi, okay? I'm just in my room. Big, wide open schedule. [ she smiles, for a short moment, though it's probably more pleading - please come visit - than it is encouraging ]

That's really all I wanted to say, I think. Yeah.


( SPAM / wandering the boat )
[ Gwen's been back for a few hours now, though it seems- longer? shorter? she can't tell what it seems like. she's just been wandering around. this doesn't feel real, it shouldn't be real. she can't stop touching the back of her head, cradling the back of her skull like at any minute she could just-

but she hasn't said anything, not since she first arrived back in her room and did nothing but scream and cry for some unknown amount of time. some irrational part of her wants to apologize to the people on her floor, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. she couldn't bring herself to approach anyone. even looking for Peter seems like a terrible idea, because the idea of him still being at home, after all that, scares her as much as everything else she's just been through. so she's a little dazed, feeling invisible and like she's the center of attention all at once. not in a confident way, of course, not like she used to. she feels like anyone she passes is staring at her, like they know.

like they know that she's dead, and that she shouldn't be here.

she feels like a burden on this place now. a ghost. how do people deal with this kind of thing? she almost wants to ask someone, whoever might walk by next, but she's still trying to remember how to form words. how to breathe without wanting to start crying again. meanwhile, some part of her knows that stopping to talk to someone might actually help, but instead she just keeps wandering. ]